It’s Overwhelming 

Writing

It’s overwhelming

How a piece of your skin

Can set mine on fire

Molten gold

Into ashes 

Or stone cold

Like the arctic 

Just by the sheer force 

Of your emotion 

It overwhelming 

How I can feel your concern 

Radiating off of your skin 

I’m waves of heat

And sprinkles of tingles 

When you touch 

The back of my neck 

It’s overwhelming 

When you touch my pinky 

But I can feel your affection

As if you’ve ravaged my entire body 

Enveloping it

In the safe haven 

That is your love 

It’s overwhelming 

How I feel a current pass through 

The entirety of my being 

By the touch of your head

On my shoulder 

With a smile on your face 

But tears flooding your soul

It’s overwhelming 

These emotions that are not mine

That I cannot fathom 

But can somehow feel

Through the slightest touch 

The softest lean

And a whisper of a hug

It’s overwhelming 

Wondering why it is that I feel

What I have not created 

But still touches me

In every way 

Through the people that surround me

Through them

Through you

It’s overwhelming 

Thinking that I might have the ability 

To discern what my loved ones feel

By touching their forehead

Feeling the thunder that resides within them

Even when they smile 

Laugh 

And frolic away 

To the naked eye 

Of those who cannot 

It’s overwhelming 

This 

Whatever this is

Whatever I am trying to figure out

Why I can feel this much 

So much 

Of which isn’t mine 

By just a feather of a touch

From those 

That are my world 

That define my very existence 

That mend my very soul

It’s overwhelming 

It’s you

It’s me

It’s the universe 

That flows through us

When you hold my hand 

And we mix

In the most scary 

Beautiful way

It’s overwhelming 

It’s overwhelming 

It’s overwhelming 

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Sin

Writing

I held my lovers hand

Fingers intertwined

Sculpted met dainty

A soft squeeze

A look so kind

We walked through

The busy street

Watching the city

Come alive

The night was young

And so were we

All we needed was each other

And maybe a good party

In this summer heat

We went to a popular place

On my childish whim

It buzzed with energy

Packed to the brim

 

Before we entered

My lover stopped and stared

He had something to ask me

I knew what he would ask

I had found the silver band

I was prepared

I beamed at their nerves

Anxious and oh so sweet

I told them I wanted a drink

I knew it would make them feel better

There would be no cold feet

We entered the cave

Body sweat and heat

Lights met darkness

A rhythm

A beat

We took a few shots

And danced till we were sore

I looked at them like they were the sun

On a cold winter day

There had been nothing I had ever

Wanted

Or loved

More

We clumsily bumped

Into people and things

What a beautiful night

It had been

And it would only get better

We had wings

A forceful bump

A crash and bang

We looked around

Our intoxicated minds

Unable

To understand

A figure walked towards us

People paved a path

What was that look in his eyes

Another bang

It was unbridled wrath

He held up the object

Nestled in his hand

A gun

Pointed at me

My mouth turned to sand

My lover moved in front

Put it down

He told the man

We can talk this through

All he did was

Give a disgusted frown

Please

I begged my lover

But he wouldn’t budge

He straightened up further

 

Another pleading nudge

What have we done to deserve this

Put the gun away

The sick man sneered

BANG

He pulled the trigger

And then spit on my horrified face

Because

He said

It was a sin

to be gay


I offer my deepest condolences to every single person that has been affected directly or indirectly by the recent shooting in Orlando. This is a crime of hate, not of religion or of gender. The LGBTQ community has survived and conquered almost everything in its path, and will be sure to survive and conquer this as well. We stand with you. In the name of love, in the name of humanity.

 

A letter to my love

Writing

Nizamuddin east New Delhi 

April, 2016

Aurangzeb Lane

New Delhi 

To

The love of my life

Dear Love,

I write this to you

In hopes of good health

That I know is already there

For the mental scars you brush off

And the physical bruises you hide

I know every inch

Every colour 

Every length 

Every time 

I hope your parents are well

I know it is difficult 

For you and them

To adjust 

To all the changes life

Is throwing at you

So mercilessly 

How is your brother?

I see your relationship evolve 

From can’t live with

To can’t survive without 

I hope he has carved 

A little niche for himself 

As he wanted

Distance

Sometimes 

Truly is a blessing

And finally 

How are you?

I seem to hear nothing at all

How is the person that taught

So many people 

How to live fearlessly 

Living their life?

Have you garnered the strength 

For yourself

That you dutifully lend 

To those around?

Have you mustered up the laughter

That isn’t just a facade 

The laughter that comes

From deep within your blue soul

The one you always invoke 

From every person you see?

Have those stunning hazel eyes

Shed tears that they should 

But cannot

Because they are busy crinkling 

When you smile

While wiping off another’s?

Have the strong shoulders 

You possess 

Sagged in defeat 

After holding up

The weight of others expectations?

Have those gentle hands

Held a pen

A pick

Or your distressed face 

Lately? 

I miss you

Your voice 

That soothes my pain, my worries

Better than any medicine can

Like a wave that washes away

The remains of any destruction 

Left on shore 

By those less thoughtful 

Less caring 

Less loving 

Less

In every way possible 

Than you 

Take care of yourself 

You deserve more

Than what I give

And I deserve none

Of what I get 

But I cannot leave you be

You make me selfish 

Our souls are too intertwined 

Our connection too strong

Physical presence 

Is just an add on

When one heart

Can feel the cracking of another

From miles

And miles

And miles

away

I hope you will think about what

I have

And am trying 

to convey 

That you are not alone

That you have my undying love

Loyalty 

Gratitude 

Faith

And thanks

For I am what I am today

Whatever little it may be

Because of you

Because of everything 

You have made me

Big changes await you and I 

It is a trial

One bigger than others

We have conquered 

Together 

Tumbling And struggling 

But we are too stubborn 

Too proud 

Too stupid

To let anything waiver us

Who we are

As people

Two individuals

Stuck 

Together

Say hi to your parents for me

I hope they haven’t forgotten 

The face

That landed in their domain

Ever so often

But doesn’t 

Anymore 

Due to life

Being as it is

Give my love to your family

For they are my own

I’ll await your reply

Ever so eagerly 

Thanking you

As always

Yours truly

Bunny

Caterpillar

Writing

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The caterpillar moved slowly
At its timely pace
The bugs moved faster
They pushed and pulled
Much to its disgrace
It saw the other caterpillars
Working on their cocoon
The picture was oh so pretty
They’d be perfect soon
It worked and worked
And worked some more
To build a cocoon like them
But alas, it kept breaking
And the butterflies had already
Hatched till then
So it saw them fly
Their colours alive
Now it worked even harder
The butterflies taunted
Wings were flaunted
How high could it strive?
The caterpillar started to lose itself
Amongst its cheery counterparts
So much was expected of it
It wanted to succeed
But didn’t know where to start
The cocoon kept breaking
It tired itself out
It would reach halfway and smile
Only to be told it wasn’t good enough
After a while
The leaf it chose was flaky
Its parents trust in it was shaky
Never pretty
Never good
Never working
Never would
300 days it spent
Trying to live up to everything expected
It’s confidence bent
No growth
No motivation
No love
Hell sent
The caterpillar stopped and stared
At the butterflies
And then itself
They were dreamlike
It was impaired
But the closer it looked
The clearer it saw
Their colours were hollow
Scarred and raw
The antennas bent
Black souled eyes
One leg less
Bent wings
Much to its surprise
It saw them flutter
Around eachother
Masking all their flaws
Their broken cocoons
And homebound leaves
Had just been hiding
Their fatal claws
So the caterpillar stopped
And took one more look
At everything it thought it knew
It decided how it was now
Was for the best
And with that
His confidence grew
It listened, still
To their heavy taunts
Now a little more sure
Of itself
And what it wants
It still moved slowly
At it’s timely pace
Not ashamed of its flaws
No love lost
No disgrace
And so it worked
On it’s own cocoon
Ignoring the unfinished bugs
That hatched too soon
It’s determination grew
It found support
A little more steady now
Ready to make it’s fort
So it spun and spun
And spun some more
Content with the thought
Of having a stronger base
Than the rest
And that in the future
His colours would be
The brightest of the lot.

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Confined

Writing

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Withering and waiting

 I stay awake 

For what?
I don’t know 

Don’t pry 

Go away 

Give me a break 

Is it love? 

Is it true?

 I need some peace

 I don’t know 

What about you? 

But no, 

Don’t answer that 

You wouldn’t know either 

All you’ve ever seen 

All you’ve ever learned 

Is tit for tat 

Brick for stone 

Fire with fire 

But you forget 

Before burning anyone
It’ll burn you, sire 

I don’t know 

But maybe I do 

You think my age
Is a barrier 

Well, maybe its true 

I do know things 

Oh, but darling 

Let this frame not fool you 

I am not limited to..
I don’t know? 

Dresses and rings? 

I don’t need you 

Yes I do 

But will you ever let me think 

Express 

Acknowledge 

Will you?

 I don’t know 

That’s what you think 

Maybe I don’t 

 Because that’s what 

 You expect of me 

Raise me up 

Then push me to the brink 

Of insanity 

Of madness 

Make me hysterical 

Confused 

Filled with sadness 

I’m ‘oh so privileged’ 

My ‘life is complete’ 

But you don’t understand

 I would give it all up 

In a heartbeat 

For what is the point 

Of all these ‘privileges’ 

When I’m still up at night 

My mind and soul 

Trapped in cages. 

I don’t know 

Nothing is wrong 

But nothing is right 

I do not have happiness 

But I do not have plight 

Its an endless struggle 

And I am confined 

I stay up withering and waiting 

For what? 

 I don’t know. 

I’m out of my mind.

Flip side

Writing

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A kiss in the rain 

A laugh in silence 

Water in the desert

 Peace amongst violence 

 A hug in pain 

A smile so foreign 

 Laughter lines amongst wrinkles

 The loss in gain 

A clover within leaves 

 A splash of colour

 A blush with the tears

 Something new to discover

 A friend amongst enemies 

 The moon along the stars 

 The black in white 

Stories behind the scars 

 The lies in the truth 

 The holes in a dress 

 The thorns in a bush 

A saddened cheek to caress

 The beautiful in the ugly 

 The wrong in the right 

 The go in the stop 

The weakness in might 

 The crazy in the sane 

The pretend in true 

The tainted in pure 

The old and the new 

The silver in gold 

 The hate in love 

 The diamond in the coal 

False hopes from above 

The conservative in modern 

The adult once a child 

The wood in metal 

The outrageous in the mild 

The starvation in fullness 

The paper and the stone 

The breath of death 

Flesh and bone

 The right in the left 

The wet in the dry 

The no in the yes 

The agreement in an outraged cry 

Heads and tails

 Sweet and sour 

Dull and bright 

Shorts and veils 

 Now and then 

The give and the take

 Yes, these are the thoughts 

 That keep me awake

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Female Foeticide

Writing

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She smiled and danced
A new life inside
Glowing
Happy
Grinning wide
This was it
She had finally arrived
To the point
Where she fulfilled
For what she strived
The days turned to nights
The nights to weeks
The weeks to months
You could see it now
Her ecstasy
Reaching new heights
She ate and stressed
Slept and smiled
In plus sizes now
She dressed
A slight caress
Over the skin
The barrier between her
And her next of kin
The elders were happy
But if there was to be a new heir
Only the doctors could tell
So they took her there
She smiled and waited
Wanting to see
The first glimpse
Of what her child
Would be
Another caress
Over the skin
The barrier between her
And her next of kin
The mechanics worked
She could see it clearly
A girl
How beautiful, she thought
but crushed were the hopes
The rest held so dearly
A girl?
What?
Why?
How?
A pitying look
An outraged cry
Scoundrel
Useless
Curse
Fruitless
The smiles turned cruel
The taunts and jabs
This would not be tolerated
Her fear
Only adding fire to the fuel
This was her child
She knew what they wanted
Her to do
She had to let go
Of the one thing
She had looked forward to
A slight caress
Over the skin
The barrier between her
And her next of kin
‘No’ she whispered
Again and again
A state of shock
Disbelief
Pain
It was to be done
That very day
The doctors paid
A precious life
Would be taken away
She closed off
Dint resist
When they put her under
The last thing she heard
Being a word of encouragement
And a cough
She woke up
Feeling dejected
As dead inside
As the baby
The family had rejected
She never recovered
From that plight
She should have fought for her
With all her might
The world was terrible
And she cried
Again and again
A soft caress
Over the skin
The barrier between her
And where her child
had once been.

Little red riding hood.

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Little Red Riding Hood

She quivered and shook
hugging her fragile body
Scars.
Will they ever go away?
The dogs howled
The clock struck midnight
More than she ever thought,
That night had taken away
Trembling she stood
Her white dress red
More than her heels
Broken beyond repair
As she stumbled through
The silent streets
Her head thought back
To the man in the hood
The reason for her despair
Groping and grunting
Tearing and glaring
Muffling and shuffling
His ears pinned back
His eyes narrowing
That night,
The wolf had gone hunting.
And hunted he had
Watching stealthily from afar
The darkness his cloak
Her womanhood the light
And in that alleyway
He destroyed it
That very night
She cried and weeped
And sobbed and screamed
Scars
Would they ever go away?
Mental and physical
Moral and spiritual
She lost
more than her innocence
That day.
She locked herself
Her body and mind
Interaction was futile
Food forgotten
Happiness a distant memory
Yes, sleep was kind.
But she barely slept
Her mind on guard
Terror seizing her very heart
Her red hair splayed out
Like a dirty cape
‘Stop’ she screamed
Her memories fresh
Her soul dead
Before she thought of
The greatest escape
They say writers bleed ink
And that night she did
Her ink being red
Her writing beautiful,
Happy
The sorrows temporarily dead.
And that night
She was finally free
Her sorrows pouring out of her
A smile on her face,
The night a distant memory
Scars
They were fading away
but not for long
There were more to come
When her loved ones found her
The next day
They cried and weeped
As the girl had that night
Quivering and shaking
Holding her cold body tight
Amidst the sorrow and madness
They found the scarlet letter
Where she described that night
His eyes and face
And why heaven would do her better
Wrath replaced sorrow
The spirit of vengeance
Soaring
They handed their precious
To the scalpled men
They would know who did this
By the morrow
The day arrived
Evidence bought
Struggles prevailed
Time passed
Justice delivered
The big bad wolf caught
And She smiled looking down
From her place in heaven
Scars
Finally faded away
For she knew
That
The big bad wolf
May have been just one
But
Many little wolves
Had also died
That day.

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